Get it right and the high-necked dress is a modern party hit
Hypothetical question: if you were wearing a look you thought was working but had, in fact, become old-fashioned and borderline embarrassing, would you want me to tell you? I mean, I'm hoping you'd rather hear it from me than wait until people started rolling their eyes behind your back, right?
OK, maybe it's not so hypothetical. I'm talking about your breasts. Not your nipples, but the 12A-rated part – cleavage, decolletage, whatever you want to call it – that you get out for parties. Oh yes you do. All British women do. The smell of Elnett and the tremulous wobble of underwired bosom? Why, it is as redolent of the festive season as mince pies and mulled wine.
There are sound practical reasons for maximising one's assets in this way. The delineation between the neckline you wear for work and the one you wear for fun is something everyone understands, so nothing projects "off-duty" like a lower neckline. And we all know the style adage, that you should show legs or cleavage but never both. Faced with this stark choice, most women feel more confident about a low neckline than a high hemline.
But here's the thing: a dress with a collarbone-height neckline is more modern; the boobs-out approach to party dressing is tired. It's a bit office party, and not very chic.
There, I've said it. But to make myself more unpopular, I am duty bound to point out that the high-necked party dress comes with issues of its own. We are aiming for modern and understated, not twee or prissy. Best to opt for sleeveless or long sleeves, either of which are more sophisticated than short sleeves.
If the skirt is full, it needs to be short and sharp. Flapper silhouettes or slinky cheongsam shapes are good for adding sophistication. Velvet and Peter Pan collars should be handled with care if your surname is not Chung. Get the details right and the high-necked frock is a modern party update. But get them wrong and you risk looking like a seven-year-old being taken to The Nutcracker. Which is just about the only thing worse than looking out of date and a bit of a slapper.
• Jess wears dress, £345, by DKNY, from fenwick.co.uk. Heels, £59.99, zara.com. Tights, Jess's own.
Photograph: David Newby for the Guardian. Styling: Melanie Wilkinson. Hair and makeup: Dani Richardson at danirichardson.co.uk